“Whenever we think about loss, we need to think about love” Julia Samuel

As a palliative care doctor who has worked in cancer care for over thirty years, I have experienced my fair share of death both personally and professionally. I have seen many of my patients die, some far too young and as a doctor, grief for a patient is something I have had to come to terms with, as well as learn from.

This week marks National Grief Awareness week and it’s something so important to raise and keep the conversation going on, as we address the societal taboo on death and grief – be it the death of a friend or loved one, or coming to grips with one’s own mortality. Death comes to all of us in time and although hard to accept, is not optional.

Unfortunately, western culture has a very uncomfortable attitude towards death – we choose to speak about the topic very little and mostly in a medicalised way. Compared to eastern culture attitudes towards mourning, which is done very publicly and communally with a lot of support given throughout, grief in western society can be very isolating and more often that not we are encouraged to ‘move on’ or ‘get over’ it as quickly as possible.

My experience with grief and the many forms it can take, hasn’t just been in my experience as a cancer doctor but also in a more general sense – seeing patients who have experienced death at some point in their lives which hasn’t been resolved, leading to unresolved trauma. Emotional trauma, as we are learning more, can lead to chronic health issues and more often when we are trying to find the ‘root cause’ of these, unresolved trauma can quite often be the culprit.

But this is not the only reason to meet grief head on – I do believe grief can be transformative. Through grief, we build resilience, we learn what and who are important in our lives; we face our own mortality. Sometimes through loss comes personal growth.

Of course, like grief, homeopathy is very personalised but some commonalities in some of the remedies I might recommend to patients struggling with grief would be: Ignatia Amara for acute grief, shock, or emotional loss. It may help those experiencing sadness, insomnia, or a sensation of a lump in the throat. Natrum Muriaticum is a remedy typically suggested for individuals who internalize their grief, becoming withdrawn and stoic, often crying in private and avoiding consolation. And lastly, Arnica Montana, primarily known for physical trauma, it is sometimes used for emotional shock and feelings of being emotionally bruised after a loss.

For anyone looking for further and practical reading on the subject of grief, I would strongly recommend the books and podcast by Julia Samuel, someone I admire very much for her candid, helpful and open conversations on this subject.

I will leave you with a poem by Donna Ashworth called ‘Love Came First‘:

You don’t move on after loss, but you must move with.

You must shake hands with grief, welcome her in, for she lives with you now.

Pull her a chair at the table and offer her comfort.

She is not the monster you first thought her to be.

She is love.

And she will walk with you now, stay with you now, peacefully.

If you let her.

And on the days when your anger is high, remember why she came, remember who she represents.

Remember.

Grief came to you my friend because love came first.

Love came first.