Stress is often seen as something that happens to us, an unavoidable byproduct of our modern lives. But what if, at least in part, stress is something we choose? Not the stressors themselves, of course, life will always throw us curveballs, and this is out of our control. But how we respond to those stressors plays a much bigger role than we often realise.

Stress is a fact of life. From work deadlines, ageing parents, children struggling to financial concerns and health scares, stressors are a normal part of the human experience. It would be hard to live a life devoid of stress! The key isn’t to eliminate stress, though certainly taking steps to reduce stress where possible is always advisable, but we also need to learn how to navigate it with greater resilience.

We may not be able to control what happens around us, but we can choose how we respond. That response whether rooted in panic, calm, frustration, or focus, is shaped by our mindset.

Take a challenging work project, for example. You can see it as an overwhelming burden… or as an opportunity to grow and prove your capability. What will you learn from this situation. What can you achieve. Same situation, different mindset and therefore, a very different stress response.

This doesn’t mean choosing to smile through every hardship. It means acknowledging your power to shift your perspective, even subtly, and recognising that your interpretation often determines your emotional experience.

The Power of Perspective. Our thoughts create our emotional landscape and when faced with stress, our inner dialogue can either escalate the feeling or help us reframe it in a more manageable way.

For example:

“This is too much” → becomes → “This is a lot, but I can take it one step at a time.”

“I can’t handle this” → becomes → “This is hard, but I’ve handled hard things before.”

By consciously shifting the narrative, we alter how our nervous system reacts, often reducing feelings of anxiety and overwhelm.

Choosing a new perspective isn’t always easy, especially when we’re exhausted, anxious, or emotionally flooded. That’s why developing resilience tools when we aren’t stressed is so important.

 Some evidence-based ways to build resilience include:

* Mindfulness: Bringing awareness to the present moment helps calm our reactive thinking.

* Exercise: Physical movement helps metabolise stress hormones and has been shown to boost mood.

* Social support: Talking to someone you trust can provide emotional regulation and clarity.

* Self-compassion: Being kind to yourself during difficult moments helps reduce inner pressure.

With consistent practice, these strategies strengthen your ability to respond thoughtfully instead of reactively.

Lastly, it’s important to acknowledge that not all stress can be consciously managed. In cases of trauma, chronic abuse, or severe mental health struggles, the nervous system can become dysregulated in ways that make choice feel inaccessible. In these situations, reactions may be automatic and deeply rooted in survival mode. If you’re in this space, it’s important to know that it’s not your fault and you’re not alone. Professional help is essential and can make all the difference in healing and regaining a sense of agency.

 Stress will always be part of life, but suffering doesn’t have to be. When we begin to understand that our reactions are, in many cases, within our control, we take back power over our well-being. Through mindset shifts, daily practices, and support, we can build a more resilient, calm, and empowered approach to life’s challenges.

So the next time you feel stress rising, pause, and ask yourself: “Is there another way I could see this?”

You might be surprised at how much that one question can change your life.

Dr Elizabeth Thompson